i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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