Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
