I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize