how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
