this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
