if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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