I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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