how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We don't watch enough power rangers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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