this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
