this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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