The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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