i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
