Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
