No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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