i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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