what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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