I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
