Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
