one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
