I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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