Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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