Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
