There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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