Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
