ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
