A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
