I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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