I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
