I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
