she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize