hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
