You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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