The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
