This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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