dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
