she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
