Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize