I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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