What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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