I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
