My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
