We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize