the condom got lost in my hair
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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