his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
