He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
