I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
