That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize