I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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