I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and she was petting her beer can
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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