just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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