theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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