made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize