he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
