Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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