You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize