So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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