My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
