Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
