remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
