love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
