Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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