Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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