I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
