Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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