One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
