Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
