Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
