I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You have to summon your inner elephant
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
