I'm so fucking centered right now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
