White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
