There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
