508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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