drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
