you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
