Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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