apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
