we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
