peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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