maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
