I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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