I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
