You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
