I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
