dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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