If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize