I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
