I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
