watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
