the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize