i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
