Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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