If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
