we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
