My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
