Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
