Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what day is it and did you see me today?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
