I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
