i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
that may or may not have been my penis.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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