he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
