it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
