judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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