i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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