I am puke
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
