Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
