I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
