ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
