im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
