Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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