She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize