it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
