If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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