awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize