you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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