just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
