I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize