I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize