And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
