literally had 100 drinks last night.
id be glad to
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
