I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
