Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So vagazzling was a success
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
