her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
