I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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