I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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