Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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