Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
