so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
