How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
